Preparation for Exchange

Preparing for an exchange to a foreign country has many levels.  Developing expectations is a definite no-no.  But who is kidding who, we all develop expectations.  The biggest favor you can do yourself is to remember that all your expectations will be wrong.  It is not bad, and it is not good; it is different.  Over the next three blogs I will describe a cycle that I have experienced and hopefully help anyone who plans to travel a great distance or time.  But remember, the cycle is true; your experiences will be different.  Part 1: “Last” before departure.  Part 2:  “Arrival” the shock.  Part 3:  “First” a new beginning.  We all know about the cycle of life, but understanding that events in life also have a cycle is a big deal.  Really, life is a series of cycles.  Babies are born, grow up, and have babies.  We wake up, do our best, and go back to sleep.  Travelers everywhere have their “lasts” at home, shock of “arrival”, and “first” at their destination.  Exchange students miss home, love their new home, return home, and miss their host home.  This cycle must be the most emotionally challenging of the whole experience.

Part 1

My “Last” Before Departure

 In July I found myself dwelling on “lasts”. The last time I would eat at Bill Millers, the last time I would see my best friend, and the last time I would drive home with my family.  It sounds sad and a little scary when written that way, and looking back, it really was.  In reality, leaving your home country for a year is not really sad or scary… once you get passed the physiological fear of the unknown.  Because, if all goes as planned, you will be back at home in a year: eating at Bill Millers, visiting best friends, and enjoying the familiar drive home.  The part that I find more saddening is that I will be leaving my host country in a year with no promise of return.  This reality helps me to cope with any oncoming homesickness and forces me to plan for my future departure from Brazil.  In this post I hope to show you some facts I had to face as I made the “last” decision.  Describe the “last” safety net that validated my decision.  Offer some inevitable unknowns that are a burden for student and family.  And finally, discuss the “last” things you need to make happen.  All four are significant parts of travel.  The ability to imagine them in detail increases the effectiveness of planning for success.  As you successfully maneuver through them; your knowledge will transform into understanding.

Six months before departure; I was full of excitement about studying aboard.  I was in a hurry to find out if I was going to Brazil or China.  I still did not know if I was going anywhere; funding was one of my responsibilities (thank you BP, your scholarship is making this possible).  Even with the anticipation of travel driving me forward; there were moments that I considered some real life problems with being gone for a year.  Stopping everything I was a part of in my community was a problem.  Spending an extra year in high school was a problem.  Leaving my cow for a year was a serious problem.  Occasionally, I felt obligated to revisit my decision to leave. Time crept forward and I became comfortable with my logic in choosing to study abroad.  Then like a ton of bricks, I was hit with the realization of the more permanent problems.  I have so many people I love and with age, we accept that death may take them; but we expect to be there, to grieve, to share our loss with others, to heal as a family.  This adventure is a one way street; you go, you stay, you return, but you don’t go back, at least not right away.  There is no emergency leave.  No two week break in the middle for a quick trip home.  You can certainly go home, but that is the end of your exchange.  The decision now becomes very serious, in an entirely different way.  A year is a long time when looking from that side of the decision.  My options were to go or stay.  From there, it was back to square one and a firm commitment to the process.  Once again I weighed the enormous negatives against the potential positives and knew that the decision was a major turning point in my life.  My ability to look back and see previous turning points and to understand the advantage I have because of them eventually made the decision easy.  All those people that love and care about me can see the value of exchange.  Their blessings go with me always.  The sacrifices I make will harden my resolve to make the most of my travels.  Any loss I suffer will be multiplied by many gains.

With those facts of life considered, there is still the occasional need for a safety net.  The area of concern is students that may not be completely positive about their decision to study abroad.  My personal recommendation is to be positive or do not go.  AFS was very clear and non-judgmental with their offers for me to simply wait for a better opportunity or to cancel completely.  It is possible for an AFS student to panic before leaving; some even get to the gateway city and decide they do not want to go.  If it seems wasteful or unnecessary, I disagree.  It gave me a sense of safety that there were no external expectations being placed on me because of someone else’s hard work.  Now that I am in Brazil it still provides comfort in moments of stress, this was all me.  Beyond that, the families that volunteer to host are vetted families who are as eager to share their culture as the student.  They are caring, protective, and patient.

The inevitable unknowns are real downers.  Sometimes it just cannot be helped.  No matter how early you get your country assignment, family information, and departure date; it is never early enough. Waiting felt like a physical pain.  There is actually no guarantee that you will have a family assigned until you arrive in the host country.  That is a serious hurtle and one that I am thankful I did not have to endure.  During an exchange, patience is truly a virtue and you will profit by exercising patience as you approach departure.  All that impatience seems to build and build until you are about to burst, then everything happens all at once.  Final visit to the doctor (a blog post all by itself), the FBI, dealing with a foreign consulate for visa; two weeks out and you may still feel like everything is falling apart.  The unknowns really are a downer, but AFS has some talented people working on our behalf and they do this year after year.  Paying close attention to the details they give you will save so much heart ache.     To family and friends being left behind; the unknown is unbearable.  After you drop off your loved one at the local airport, the void left in the family is huge.  Then the lack of communication adds enormous stress.  If there is any possible comfort, it is the assurance that we are everything that you ever taught us.  The separation has an instant effect of pushing us back to our core for comfort, and that core looks a lot more like our parents in the mirror than ourselves.  Try to remember; we did not fall off the face of the earth, we are alive and well, we love you, and we are never going to forget you.  We are extremely busy; attending orientations, absorbing a new culture, and trying to get our feet firmly planted in new soil.  The volume of information that I consumed during that time still makes me shiver.  Also, keep in mind AFS’s pledge that no news is good news.  In my particular case I said good bye to my parents over the phone right before I left Miami with a promise to contact them upon my arrival in Brazil.  Big mistake, I was without internet for 3 days because I went straight to a beach house for survival orientation. When I finally got to meet my host family one of the first things I was told was that my dad had contacted them to see if I was okay and with them. This made me both embarrassed and terribly homesick…. Not the best way to make a first impression on your new family.   So the unknowns are hurtles that must be endured but if family, friends, and exchangers can keep their long term goals in mind, a year is really not that long.  The experience has us busy learning the language, adjusting to a new life in a new home, and trying to fight off homesickness.  While back home there is an empty place at the table, and little or no information to fill the space.  Reminders of the pain only increase the pain on the other side and that works both ways.  Parents practice patience.  Exchangers practice information dissemination.  Each little fact about your new schedule, food, friends, and even the price of a coke and candy bar seem to go a long way.  I have found that list of facts are easier than a normal letter because there is no temptation for sentimental stuff that brings back the homesickness.

Things that must happen must be on a list.  Your personal list of things that must be done before departure will differ greatly from others.  My focus is directed more toward the general list that makes life much less complicated.  Do not plan to travel to say goodbyes or take vacations 60-90 days prior to expected departure week.  As I described earlier when things begin to happen and you are requested to provide a signature, document, or various visits; they are expected promptly.   Best bet for long distance goodbyes and vacations are around the six month time frame.  Do as much research on the country, the families region, and the culture as possible.  Study the language vigorously (most important).  You will learn the language during exchange, but every word of vocabulary you have on arrival will speed up the process.  Contact the family quickly and build as much of a relationship via phone/internet as possible.  Be careful with digital translators, translate from English, copy paste answer, and translate back to English.  Sometimes ideas get twisted and miscommunication is worse than just enjoying the sound of your family’s voice even if you do not understand anything.  Think, rethink, and rethink again packing list.  Space is limited so pack the list, and then pack it again.  Repack until you are sick and you can visualize each item and its location.  Documents and money are golden, treat them like gold.  Important information from host family is picture of electrical outlet.  Confirm complete mailing address.  Correct phone numbers.  Leave copy of documents, mailing address, phone numbers at home and take extra copies of documents to leave in safe place at host home with your parents contact information.  Begin at least 30 days out making your personal list of things that must happen.  Do it backwards with arrival at airport at the top of the list.  Further down the list; 24, 36, 48, and 72 hours before departure be honest about how much can really get done.

The “lasts” can really be nerve racking.  Accept it as the process and learn from the mistakes you will make before leaving home.  Improvement on your abilities, a year later when you prepare to depart your host home, will help deal with all the mementos that you collect.  Remember the cycle, it will repeat itself.  You will work through the facts, safety nets, unknowns, and list of things that must happen.   You will once again experience the “lasts” before departure, the shock of “arrival”, and “first” when you get back home.   If the planning and preparation for studying abroad helps make your exchange successful; then going back home deserves as much thought as leaving.