Second month in Brazil!

Here is another photo post! Enjoy!

I got to try Italian food made by a real Italian! Thank you Giorgia, it was delicious!

Penguins in Brazil? We found this poor little guy on a beach in Rio De Janeiro.

Typical Brazilian meal. Rice, Beans, Vegetables, Meat, and Farofa... At our regional orientation, we ate this exact same meal three times in a row.

AFS Regional Orientation. The countries represented here are as follows: Italy, Brazil, Indonesia, Russia, Turkey, France, Thailand, USA, Germany, and Dominican Republic.

This is the Brazilian version of scouting. The structure and uniforms are amazingly similar.

Risk, Brazilian style.

The best part about Brazilian parties? The candies!

My Brazilian cousin, Amanda, and I; everyone thinks we look like sisters.

For my Father's Birthday I had the opportunity to exercise my artistic side; I think it turned out quite nicely.

At school we had a science project fair. This is a project about reproduction done by my fellow classmates.

We saw an opportunity... and we took it. AFS equals Another Foto Shoot.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

This German enjoys laughing at turtles as a way to pass time.

A homemade dream catcher!

Acai is a special Brazilian flavor of frozen yogurt! If you come to Brazilian you must try it!

Before surfing......

..........And After Surfing.

I see more donkeys here in the city than I did in Texas.

After days with no internet and several hours at Vivo, it was this Apple technician who only needed five minutes to fix my phone!

My first package from home!

Nights spent on the beach with family, friends, and a guitar

Mom, can we keep him? Seeing monkeys here is just as normal as seeing a snake in Texas.

Working off all of those candies.

Party, party, party

I love Brazil

Learning to play a new game at the beach.

More candy for us. :)

A beautiful Brazilian family.

My first futeball shirt!!

Goodnight(;

Sarah Keith

A New Beginning, “Firsts”

Part 3

I have tried to separate my initial exchange into departure, arrival, and firsts.  I often find myself struggling to place events in their proper place.  They frequently blend from one to the other and have application in all three because of the cycle. My new beginning, the “Firsts” stage, is dedicated to the bigger events rather than the individual specific differences that shocked me on arrival.   It is dedicated to the new level of understanding that I gain each day and those major events that represent that understanding.  The first hugs from my Brazilian host family, the first trip to go shopping, the first day at school, and my first disagreement over national pride.  These are all big things that have had a deep impact. In this post I will describe becoming a part of a new family, discuss the beginning of my ability to see life as it really is, disguised behind everyday life, and describe some stumbling blocks in the search for truth.  

As a child I became a member of my natural family.  I cannot remember all the specific struggles and emotions that I encountered, but I remember enough to know that growing up and becoming aware of family identity is not automatic or easy. Parents carry the burden of providing the framework for the family while children are often less than enthusiastic.  Early in life it is hard not to be self centered, concerned only with personal wants and desire.  The concept of a family’s need or advantage is something that requires experience to understand.  Being mature enough now to understand the blessing of family is my foundation.  Being mature enough now to see it and understand it as it happens is a fantastic opportunity.  There are still struggles and uncertainty.  There is opportunity for failure, but I am a willing, enthusiastic, participant.  The common goal of becoming a family can be considered, discussed, and worked toward.  My success gives me confidence, validates my beliefs, and strengthens my resolve that I can effectively plan a way give back to my community and the world in a serious way.

Meeting my host parents and sisters on August 4, 2013 was a wonderful event.  The anticipation that had built up, the concern that I might not be accepted, the fear that the match would not work; did not all melt away with those first hugs.  It was exciting and I felt relief of finally arriving, but uncomfortableand I had a nagging question of whether we were right for each other.  The first hugs were kind of like the gun shot for a race that you prepared all year to run.  It is not the proper time to sit down, relax, and enjoy.  It is time for the real effort.  It is the time to put away personal gain and strive for the group success.  Communication was difficult, but on a basic level we bonded.  I was exhausted, embarrassed, and homesick.  That first night was hilarious.  I woke my sister up because I kept talking in my sleep, saying words in Portuguese.  Of course it made no sense;just random Portuguese phrases, like “boa noite”, “bom dia”, “oque isto”, etc.  My host family spared no effort making me feel welcome.  I committed myself to meeting their open arms with an open heart and in a short time that seemed to take forever we became a family. An exchange student should not expect this type of bonding to happen overnight.  Any strangers can meet and through common courtesy learn to work and live together.  But a family is a foundation, and that foundation requires stronger stuff than courtesy.  And children should not abuse that foundation with a lack of courtesy.  The experiences I have described in previous post continue to be amazing, new, and exciting.  I continue to struggle with juggling the "gathering of information" and understanding the information that I have gathered.  But this part, the part of becoming a member of a new family is where I get my energy.  Even if I struggle to learn and leave a good impression in school, at a party, or while attending any function that takes me out of the house.  I always know I can come home to my family, be accepted, and have my questions answered patiently.  I want to see them, spend time with them, and learn from them.  At the end of the day, when I go back to my host parent’s house, I do not feel like a stranger, or a visitor.  I feel comfortable, I feel like I am recharging for the next day, I feel like I am home.  I hope one day I will be able to express to them how much I love them and am thankful for all they have given me. The broader understanding I have gained as I went through the process of becoming a member of this family, is how special my natural family has been.  I can see how mistakes I made were obvious.  How sibling rivalry is such a waste.  I can see clearly how a parents love and experience are teenagers’ best resource.

After living three weeks in Brazil and going to school without language proficiency; I wrote down the formula to survive your exchange, make it a good one, and can be applied to any difficult area in your life.  Success equals; determination, positivity, openness, and a clear mind.  But the key ingredient or constant in the equation is sleep.  Being determined to pay attention in a class where you understand almost nothing, to keep straining to learn when it’s all too easy to zone out.  Being positive even when you feel like nothing is going the way you want, smile because the show must go on.  Remember you are always representing your country.  Being open to new things and people; don’t shut things out because the whole world could pass by you and you would never realize what you missed.  Being of a clear mind; don’t get all worried over little things, concentrate but what can’t be helped just can’t be helped, mistakes will be made, most of the time, the best you can do is learn from them.  Sleeping, especially in the “first” stages, is very important; it makes all of those listed above much easier to accomplish.  The equation is four parts character.  I have studied leadership for some time and can describe the skills a leader needs in depth.  However, this experience has taught me that those skills need a foundation.  Anyone can learn and practice the skills of a leader.  Written and verbal communication, accountability, responsibility, etc are all important.  But, the essence of leadership is being able to employ those skills in an environment of stress where we would naturally rather hide than stand up front.  That foundation is character.  It is the core that keeps us on track.  It also can be learned and studied by anyone.  But it requires a conscious recognition and a dedicated decision to start.  It is not like a skill that you use when you need it, it is the part of you that saves you when you do not know what to do. 

Discovering life hidden behind every day may have been expected in some intellectual way, but actually finding it was exciting.  During the first month I had the opportunity to experience the departure of a student, from the outside.  Like the scenes in Harry Potter when Harry is reliving someone’s memories, you see everything, you know all of the answers, you understand, but you cannot touch.  Honestly, it was the most surreal thing for me. The event was happening to someone else, but my memories were fresh in my mind of my own departure.  I could see the anxiousness to leave in the students actions. I could see fear in the mother’s.  The sibling was happy, claiming to not be concerned about the year of separation.  The companion’s somberness outshined all other expressions, I felt like I was at a funeral.  The dad and his actions reminded me so much of my own dad.  Trying to make sure everything was checked off the list, staying busy, trying to keep from thinking about the inevitable.  The best friends wanted the best experience possible, pure excitement. Every experience is different, but it is the same. The cycle repeats. We can learn so much about ourselves and our experiences from others.  This was a significant event for me.  It was not happening to me.  I had only known the student and family for a very short time.  But it was a real important first.  The first time I knew what each person was feeling.  I knew what was about to happen.  And I knew the tough choices were going to pay off despite the pain.  At some point we all say goodbye and board that plane.  The only thing you can really do is have faith.  Being able to experience this understanding of an event has given me a valuable to tool or perspective to view my own futureexperiences through during the experience rather than long after the event.  I can understand how the experience of others that are involved in the event affect my own experience.  It is hard to describe, but it has a similar effect that planning, or making a conscious decision has on an event.  It gives you the impression of hind sight before and during the event.  For anyone who has ever made a mistake and wished you could avoid future mistakes; you can understand my joy in this new revelation.

My final major first was running head on into prejudice.  I have experienced my share of petty jealousy.  I do not expect every individual I meet to immediately love me.  But here in the middle of everything else I did not expect to have my home nation scourged by others that are also conscious of the need for cultural awareness.  I admit I did not handle the situation well.  It took me several days to really appreciate all the significant parts of the incident.  We are all products of our environment.  We believe what we are taught.  There are so many things in life to absorb; we naturally adopt some ideas without question.  Politics is one area that I just accepted and never gave it the level of importance it deserves.  It can certainly leave misconceptions in the minds of people on both sides of an argument over a single country.  I left home knowing that my experience would transform knowledge that I already knew into understanding.  This is my biggest first; my first real understanding of the value of science education.  No matter how I looked at this situation I was not satisfied with the answer.  The problem was always me and what I knew that was in the way.  But when the emotion subsided and I remembered to apply scientific methods to the problem; I saw the solution.  Just like a science project; formulate hypothesis, research, test, and find the truth.  There is no need for emotion; the hypothesis is either true or false.  If false then the experiment continues with a new hypothesis.  Exchange is about ambassadorship, but because of my surprise I missed an opportunity to search, poke, and prod like a good explorer to uncover the facts.  By applying the skills of science to my ambassadorship, I believe I would have found more similarities between myself and the other student than differences.  Is it not true that when we hear a politician saying something totally different from one day to the next, we shrug our shoulders (for those that have read AynRand; maybe this is why she named her best seller, Atlas Shrugged).  Personally, my world consists of the present, near future, and the past that is discussed around my family’s kitchen table.  I have heard my parents and grandparents memories; not much more than 70 years.  In other parts of the world the past thousand years is as relevant as yesterday.  As an AFS student, I have friends from many countries here in Brazil.  They all remember where they were on 9-11-2001.  We were five years old.  It was a major event in the U.S. but I did not realize how much it also affected other countries.  Because current events are an important subject for any interview, I regularly check the news for local, national, and world headlines.  Before, those headlines were just information, now I see the effect they have on beliefs.  Now I understand the importance of testing that information for truth and being prepared for others who do not. Truth itself is a difficult concept and it gets tangled in beliefs too easily.  Without a genuine approach to a subject, truth becomes subservient to a belief rather than a belief being based on truth.  I can even see now how science can be used to disguise truth in order to promote a belief.  Only the wide spread study and understanding of science will enable a population to experiment for themselves; to prove the conclusion of a claimed result.  My job is not to defend my beliefs or accept someone else’s.  My job as an ambassador is to help peel back the layers of a belief, in a scientific way, find the truth, and share as much as I can.

Preparation for Exchange

Concluded

I hope you have all enjoyed catching up on some of the things I have experienced on my exchange.  My purpose was to document, and also to share lessons learned.  Those that are considering exchange, I hope find some helpful hints in this series of “lasts”, “arrival”, and “firsts”.  My friends and family, I hope can join me in celebrating the wonderful cycle of life.  Understanding that “sadness”, “shock”, and “joy” can be found in every event, every experience, and every situation will help us to get through the hard stuff in order to get to the good stuff.  If all three are not obvious, check your perspective and look harder.  There is always some sacrifice, nothing is free.  Anything that is worth doing is worth examining close enough to find the new spark that can resemble shock.  And joy in new beginnings is just obvious.  Once again, as you prepare to travel; be careful of developing expectations.  Concentrate on the larger expectations of what you can understand rather than what you can do.  Commit to the tasks you can control and accept the things you cannot control.  Do not accept false restrictions on life.  Do not accept a slice of the limited pie of life.  There is an unlimited conveyor belt of pies of life just waiting to be sampled and each is delicious.

The Shock of “Arrival”

Part 2

Arriving in an international airport, thousands of miles from home, in a foreign country is the essence of shock.  Combine that shock with a strong desire to absorb every morsel of newness; and the stress of trying to make every right decision so that the exchange is successful.  The result is the most exhausting, memorable, character building experience I can imagine.  The AFS flu refers to the sickness one endures during the first week in the host country.  Symptoms are: no appetite, sadness, confusion, numbness, and exhaustion.  But even at the depth of physical and emotional conditions; intellectually there is a realization that the hard work and planning is finally paying off.  This post will explore some skills that will give a traveler an advantage.  I will list some specific physical and cultural differences that must be navigated from day one.  And finally, I will entertain some possible shocks that will be waiting next year, as the cycle repeats, and I experience the shock of returning home.

On my arrival to Brazil I was quickly able to see the similarities between leadership and ambassadorship.  The character traits and skills needed are very similar and with communication being handicapped by my lack of Portuguese, other skills became very important and obvious.  Accountability is the first concern.  Keep yourself and your stuff together, the last thing you want to do is lose your passport, plane ticket, luggage, or money.  I have seen it happen.  Flexibility is a very close second.  People will be telling you what to do and you will have no idea what is going on.  Go with it; do not push too much. There will be many things that seem important to complete. But, it is impossible to do everything in the first week.  Attention to detail is extremely important, keep focused and pay close attention to instructions.  Responsibility, leaving home opens lots of doors to freedom, but don’t forget about reality.  There are people of authority that you must deal with.  Customs and immigrations agents are just two groups that are not impressed with your new found freedom.  Organization, planning, and decision making may not be necessary for immediate survival, but getting back on your feet quickly after arrival depends on your ability to put them back in productive use.  The planning, body language, and a sense of joy will get you through the airport.  Then the real fun starts.

The shock of arrival happens mainly because of the change in the physical environment. You can’t just plug in your phone, hook up to WIFI, read the signs, or understand the language.  Cultural differences add to the phenomenon and are just as important to recognize.  What, when, and how people eat.  Local accepted dressing habits.  How people observe rules for social activities.  The student’s expectations and the host family’s expectations cover the whole range of possibilities, and probably differ drastically.  If you are having any issues the most important thing to do is be flexible, aware, and ask those around you for explanation.  There are those that will enjoy giving a false translation and laugh when you use it later, but this type of joking is no real harm.  Important issues will be obvious and everyone will be helpful.  Avoiding a situation will result in miscommunication and can cause lasting damage.  I personally asked my host family on the very first night about rules and customs of the house.  This had the benefit of being factual rather than emotional.  I learned things to do or not to do without the embarrassment of being corrected.  There are still things I am learning but that first list of questions gave us all an agenda that made bringing up sensitive subjects easier.

   

In preparation for these physical/cultural differences, AFS provides several opportunities for students in their pre-departure stage to talk to a returnee from their host country.  Unfortunately, these conferences only begin to cover the information that you need.  I think the reason is because the returnee has gone through so many things.  The cycle continues, they are experiencing their part of returning and no longer feel the severity of what was once important.  Their experience is also often specific to their region, just as mine will be about Serra.  You can see from my blog that there is a lot of information to consider and I have not even begun to scratch the surface.  I write as much as I can and there are still things that I have forgotten.  If I was required to squeeze it all into an hour discussion, I think I would throw up my hands and simply say, “Just remember to breathe”.  Definitely important, but I am ashamed of the admission.  The lesson for us all is that when we are in an extreme emotional situation, like the shock of arrival, we should stay calm and do the best we can; because in a day or two the emotions will pass and the events will look totally different from the other side.  I actually began taking notes for this blog early in my arrival, now as I write in my sixth week; I no longer have the same feelings.  If I had to sit down to write with a blank slate, the story would be completely different.  The following is specific to my experience here in Serra.  Many of the things that caught my attention are probably from growing up on a farm and now living in the city, as much as from being in a foreign country. 

The most important thing I was told is to not flush toilet paper.  Just don’t do it, unless ofcourse there is no trash can and then you need to use the badet (ba day).  This is not a lesson you want to learn the hard way.  The badet itself is an example of a difficult concept to ask about or explain.  And for the sake of modesty I will just say it is not a foot washer.  Maids are popular in Brazil, but if your family does not have a maid, then it is likely that you will wash your own underwear while you shower.  Brazilians consider it normal to shower more than once a day.  I read that it is considered rude to check in the refrigerator, between meals.  So far I have not found that to be true.  Brazilians do the kiss on the cheek thing.  Kissing is very normal here.  Fica (making out with a friend) is not considered bad or frowned upon by the population.  Guys boldly try to kiss girls on the lips if they like them.  It’s normal, they are not trying to be offensive, don’t freak out, just say “no thank you” if you are not interested.  If one is particularly obnoxious about it, try explaining that kissing means something totally different in your country.  If you are a girl walking on the road you will be whistled at and honked at a lot. Just ignore it; it’s no big deal.  Brazil is dangerous… I know people who have 

been robbed.  If you have a smart phone keep it hidden and don’t speak English too loudly.  Don’t walk alone after dark.  You should be fine if you stay alert.  

Private versus Public school.  You can be placed in either and it is likely that you will be in a private school.  Private school is more popular here because the public system is considered very bad.  The more you pay the better education you receive.  Uniforms are common, they are plain, have the school logo, and are unattractive.  School schedules are in the morning or afternoon.  My classes are 7am – 12:20 pm.  I have a bunch of classes, fourteen this semester. I attend six classes per day on alternating days.  Physically going to school is a lot more like studying at home with my brothers and cousins close by, than I ever imagined. The students are forever moving their chairs and horsing around. They do some crazy stuff, practicing jujitsu, throwing trash, laughing, joking, sleeping, etc.  Basically no one speaks English.  None of my teachers speak English except of the English teacher. Two girls in my class know some English but I spend more time with the people who speak only Portuguese.  Teachers are personal with the students.  They like to joke around but they can turn super strict.  Bombs in school are popular pranks.   They are more like big fireworks called a rojao that the boys put in the girls bathroom.  I was almost in the bathroom when one blew up so it really had a negative effect on me. The whole school could hear it and had someone been in that stall they probably wouldn’t have been able to just walk away from it.  Cell phones and texting or playing games during class; there is a video camera filming the classroom so usually you have to keep it out of the sight.

Brazilians love to party and dance.  Upon arrival there is an endless list of welcome, AFS, and house parties to choose to attend.  Teenagers regularly go to clubs to dance and enjoy the music.  I have been taught to dance funk about 50 times (and I still can’t really do it) let them teach you!  They love that.  All the excitement, almost on a daily basis, is shocking.  It is the enjoyable kind of shock, but still it leaves you with a surreal feeling that reality has shifted a little.  But as I have said before, it is always Showtime, and exchangers need to remember the three big AFS rules! No driving, hitchhiking, or DRUGS.  There are no excuses and no second chances.

Cell phone service is very confusing here at first because of the language barrier (getting Portuguese texts from vivo all of the time is no fun) but it is much cheaper.  There are two types of contract.  Either “recharge” as you go or pay monthly.  Electrical outlets; I ended up not needing adapters and this kills me because I bought like ten.  Apartments are the most common living arrangement.  There are no clothes dryers.  Clothes, electronics, etc are expensive.  I brought as much as I could and I don’t regret it.    

You will probably gain a lot of weight… Brazilians are always eating.  Rice and beans every day, I like it.  Be honest if you don’t like something so you don’t get stuck eating it all year.  Eating more is a way to say you like the food, if you don’t get seconds it could hurt the chef’s feelings.  (Suggestion, get super small portions) When you are done you can say “eu estou satisfeita”.  Breakfast =café da manha(7am), snack (10am), Lunch= almoca (1pm), café (6pm), Dinner= jantar  (11pm).  Brigadeiros are Brazilians gift to mankind….Seriously.  Junk food isn’t the same here.  The bread is super good.  It’s loafs, no sliced light bread.  We use yogurt in cereal instead of milk.

The Brazilian people are super friendly.  Families are easy going, protective, loving, and extremely excited for you to be in their home.  Social appointments are loosely enforced.  If you are supposed to meet at 2 for an event, the last person will arrive at 3…typical Brazilian.

Since the overall point of this blog series is dedicated to the cycle that travelers experience, this paragraph will discuss the possible shocks that I can expect next year as I return home.  Switching from relating recent experiences to planning for future events may seem awkward.  Trying to imagine, what would be shocking about going home, may seem impossible.  But the constant transition between execution and planning is what keeps you prepared for what comes next.

The first most obvious shock will once again be in verbal communication.  Just as I was shocked upon my arrival to Brazil, even with the knowledge that I did not speak the language, I did not understand how completely our lives are affected by verbal communication.  It is not just productivity, but also our emotions.  Since my arrival to Brazil, I have been surrounded by Portuguese.  The accent, timing, and sentence structure is all different.  Even when I have conversations in English, I am still surrounded by Portuguese.  Returning home, I will be able to understand everything, but the body language will be different.  I expect that I will be extremely conscious of the absence of Portuguese.  In my mind, I remember everything about home, it has not changed.  But, I will be shocked by how little my memory has maintained the essence.

The same will be true of schedules.  Going home I want to plan several days of just being home to become acclimated to eating, exercising, and sleeping.  My hope is to do a better job of documenting the process, and by keeping my body rested, my mind will perceive more.

The largest shock I can imagine on my return will be picking up long term goals quickly and moving forward.  I have not changed my goals and this exchange is a major piece of those goals.  But, I can already feel my view of life changing.  I see a bigger picture, and I am sure that picture will continue to grow.  My personal responsibility will not be to change my goals, but to include my new understanding into those goals accomplishment.  I have a new piece of my family now here in Brazil.  Going back home, taking up the old routine, will certainly happen, but my thoughts will also be on Brazil.

Preparation for Exchange

Preparing for an exchange to a foreign country has many levels.  Developing expectations is a definite no-no.  But who is kidding who, we all develop expectations.  The biggest favor you can do yourself is to remember that all your expectations will be wrong.  It is not bad, and it is not good; it is different.  Over the next three blogs I will describe a cycle that I have experienced and hopefully help anyone who plans to travel a great distance or time.  But remember, the cycle is true; your experiences will be different.  Part 1: “Last” before departure.  Part 2:  “Arrival” the shock.  Part 3:  “First” a new beginning.  We all know about the cycle of life, but understanding that events in life also have a cycle is a big deal.  Really, life is a series of cycles.  Babies are born, grow up, and have babies.  We wake up, do our best, and go back to sleep.  Travelers everywhere have their “lasts” at home, shock of “arrival”, and “first” at their destination.  Exchange students miss home, love their new home, return home, and miss their host home.  This cycle must be the most emotionally challenging of the whole experience.

Part 1

My “Last” Before Departure

 In July I found myself dwelling on “lasts”. The last time I would eat at Bill Millers, the last time I would see my best friend, and the last time I would drive home with my family.  It sounds sad and a little scary when written that way, and looking back, it really was.  In reality, leaving your home country for a year is not really sad or scary… once you get passed the physiological fear of the unknown.  Because, if all goes as planned, you will be back at home in a year: eating at Bill Millers, visiting best friends, and enjoying the familiar drive home.  The part that I find more saddening is that I will be leaving my host country in a year with no promise of return.  This reality helps me to cope with any oncoming homesickness and forces me to plan for my future departure from Brazil.  In this post I hope to show you some facts I had to face as I made the “last” decision.  Describe the “last” safety net that validated my decision.  Offer some inevitable unknowns that are a burden for student and family.  And finally, discuss the “last” things you need to make happen.  All four are significant parts of travel.  The ability to imagine them in detail increases the effectiveness of planning for success.  As you successfully maneuver through them; your knowledge will transform into understanding.

Six months before departure; I was full of excitement about studying aboard.  I was in a hurry to find out if I was going to Brazil or China.  I still did not know if I was going anywhere; funding was one of my responsibilities (thank you BP, your scholarship is making this possible).  Even with the anticipation of travel driving me forward; there were moments that I considered some real life problems with being gone for a year.  Stopping everything I was a part of in my community was a problem.  Spending an extra year in high school was a problem.  Leaving my cow for a year was a serious problem.  Occasionally, I felt obligated to revisit my decision to leave. Time crept forward and I became comfortable with my logic in choosing to study abroad.  Then like a ton of bricks, I was hit with the realization of the more permanent problems.  I have so many people I love and with age, we accept that death may take them; but we expect to be there, to grieve, to share our loss with others, to heal as a family.  This adventure is a one way street; you go, you stay, you return, but you don’t go back, at least not right away.  There is no emergency leave.  No two week break in the middle for a quick trip home.  You can certainly go home, but that is the end of your exchange.  The decision now becomes very serious, in an entirely different way.  A year is a long time when looking from that side of the decision.  My options were to go or stay.  From there, it was back to square one and a firm commitment to the process.  Once again I weighed the enormous negatives against the potential positives and knew that the decision was a major turning point in my life.  My ability to look back and see previous turning points and to understand the advantage I have because of them eventually made the decision easy.  All those people that love and care about me can see the value of exchange.  Their blessings go with me always.  The sacrifices I make will harden my resolve to make the most of my travels.  Any loss I suffer will be multiplied by many gains.

With those facts of life considered, there is still the occasional need for a safety net.  The area of concern is students that may not be completely positive about their decision to study abroad.  My personal recommendation is to be positive or do not go.  AFS was very clear and non-judgmental with their offers for me to simply wait for a better opportunity or to cancel completely.  It is possible for an AFS student to panic before leaving; some even get to the gateway city and decide they do not want to go.  If it seems wasteful or unnecessary, I disagree.  It gave me a sense of safety that there were no external expectations being placed on me because of someone else’s hard work.  Now that I am in Brazil it still provides comfort in moments of stress, this was all me.  Beyond that, the families that volunteer to host are vetted families who are as eager to share their culture as the student.  They are caring, protective, and patient.

The inevitable unknowns are real downers.  Sometimes it just cannot be helped.  No matter how early you get your country assignment, family information, and departure date; it is never early enough. Waiting felt like a physical pain.  There is actually no guarantee that you will have a family assigned until you arrive in the host country.  That is a serious hurtle and one that I am thankful I did not have to endure.  During an exchange, patience is truly a virtue and you will profit by exercising patience as you approach departure.  All that impatience seems to build and build until you are about to burst, then everything happens all at once.  Final visit to the doctor (a blog post all by itself), the FBI, dealing with a foreign consulate for visa; two weeks out and you may still feel like everything is falling apart.  The unknowns really are a downer, but AFS has some talented people working on our behalf and they do this year after year.  Paying close attention to the details they give you will save so much heart ache.     To family and friends being left behind; the unknown is unbearable.  After you drop off your loved one at the local airport, the void left in the family is huge.  Then the lack of communication adds enormous stress.  If there is any possible comfort, it is the assurance that we are everything that you ever taught us.  The separation has an instant effect of pushing us back to our core for comfort, and that core looks a lot more like our parents in the mirror than ourselves.  Try to remember; we did not fall off the face of the earth, we are alive and well, we love you, and we are never going to forget you.  We are extremely busy; attending orientations, absorbing a new culture, and trying to get our feet firmly planted in new soil.  The volume of information that I consumed during that time still makes me shiver.  Also, keep in mind AFS’s pledge that no news is good news.  In my particular case I said good bye to my parents over the phone right before I left Miami with a promise to contact them upon my arrival in Brazil.  Big mistake, I was without internet for 3 days because I went straight to a beach house for survival orientation. When I finally got to meet my host family one of the first things I was told was that my dad had contacted them to see if I was okay and with them. This made me both embarrassed and terribly homesick…. Not the best way to make a first impression on your new family.   So the unknowns are hurtles that must be endured but if family, friends, and exchangers can keep their long term goals in mind, a year is really not that long.  The experience has us busy learning the language, adjusting to a new life in a new home, and trying to fight off homesickness.  While back home there is an empty place at the table, and little or no information to fill the space.  Reminders of the pain only increase the pain on the other side and that works both ways.  Parents practice patience.  Exchangers practice information dissemination.  Each little fact about your new schedule, food, friends, and even the price of a coke and candy bar seem to go a long way.  I have found that list of facts are easier than a normal letter because there is no temptation for sentimental stuff that brings back the homesickness.

Things that must happen must be on a list.  Your personal list of things that must be done before departure will differ greatly from others.  My focus is directed more toward the general list that makes life much less complicated.  Do not plan to travel to say goodbyes or take vacations 60-90 days prior to expected departure week.  As I described earlier when things begin to happen and you are requested to provide a signature, document, or various visits; they are expected promptly.   Best bet for long distance goodbyes and vacations are around the six month time frame.  Do as much research on the country, the families region, and the culture as possible.  Study the language vigorously (most important).  You will learn the language during exchange, but every word of vocabulary you have on arrival will speed up the process.  Contact the family quickly and build as much of a relationship via phone/internet as possible.  Be careful with digital translators, translate from English, copy paste answer, and translate back to English.  Sometimes ideas get twisted and miscommunication is worse than just enjoying the sound of your family’s voice even if you do not understand anything.  Think, rethink, and rethink again packing list.  Space is limited so pack the list, and then pack it again.  Repack until you are sick and you can visualize each item and its location.  Documents and money are golden, treat them like gold.  Important information from host family is picture of electrical outlet.  Confirm complete mailing address.  Correct phone numbers.  Leave copy of documents, mailing address, phone numbers at home and take extra copies of documents to leave in safe place at host home with your parents contact information.  Begin at least 30 days out making your personal list of things that must happen.  Do it backwards with arrival at airport at the top of the list.  Further down the list; 24, 36, 48, and 72 hours before departure be honest about how much can really get done.

The “lasts” can really be nerve racking.  Accept it as the process and learn from the mistakes you will make before leaving home.  Improvement on your abilities, a year later when you prepare to depart your host home, will help deal with all the mementos that you collect.  Remember the cycle, it will repeat itself.  You will work through the facts, safety nets, unknowns, and list of things that must happen.   You will once again experience the “lasts” before departure, the shock of “arrival”, and “first” when you get back home.   If the planning and preparation for studying abroad helps make your exchange successful; then going back home deserves as much thought as leaving.